rchan: (Gravi -- determined -- sunrise.aoaki.net)
So, I finally decided it was time to start making calls and hunting up a new therapist. I have an appointment with someone on Monday and of course I’m now mildly freaking out about it. My last two experiences with such things have NOT turned out that well. *heavy sigh* But I'm getting really really really tired of living my life through the lens of anxiety. And I'm getting really really really tired of being so fucking tired all the time. I live most of my life feeling exhausted, like I can't budge to do the things I really need to do. And it's frustrating because I keep feeling like I should be able to just kick this thing in the ass and move on. Thing is... it doesn't work that way, does it?

Nipping here now a very long post rambling about the state of my mental health and my hopes for the coming year. )
rchan: (YnM -- Hisoka_bullet -- sunrise.aoaki.ne)
For those of you who were around and offered kind words during my freak out last night, thank you and I’m sorry I didn’t respond. *sigh* Really the whole thing was just so stupid.

Because I didn't want to put this on tumblr, thank you very much. )
rchan: (PoT -- Ryoma -- little things -- lelola)
As many of you know, I have gone back to school to get my Masters in education. Why is this important? I'll tell you. ^_^

And for those of you who really don't care... a cut tag. )

Also, in the middle of all this going down, my mother finally found her old wooden peace sign that she used to wear in the 60s. She's been looking for it for me since... oh... February of last year? And she just randomly found it in her desk while she was looking for my credit card number so that I could call and cancel it. *_* And dude... it's gorgeous. Pictures to follow. ^_^

Really? My life never goes this well. Ever. I guess I've hit one of those synchronicity moments they talk about where everything just... goes right. ^_^ Well, let me tell you, universe... I was feelin' the love today and I thank you. Here's to more synchronous moments to come. ^_^

Warm weather.
The beach.
A reaffirmation of my faith in humanity.
My mother's peace sign.
Who could ask for anything more? ^_~

☮ ♥ ♬♪ ^_^

Edit (11:11 PM) -- Have the promised pictures of the hat and the peace sign. ^_^

Enjoy! I know I will. ^-^ )

School blab

Feb. 2nd, 2011 10:55 pm
rchan: (CCS -- giggle_snort -- sunrise.aoaki.net)
Oh dear lord. O_O *snickers* I've developed a bit of a reputation among my classmates in my graduate program, even the ones that don't know me all that well. Just found out tonight. What kind of a rep, you ask?

I'll tell you. ^_~

You remember the kid in class who always got straight 'A's?
You remember how even when she messed up the curve or made everyone else look like they hadn't done diddly-squat, you still couldn't hate her because she was just kind of sweet and helpful and you wanted her to do well?
You remember how you always went to her to ask questions about assignments because she usually knew the answers even when she was sure she didn't?
You remember how you used her as a guide for what was considered "enough" work (i.e. -- if even she didn't do it, there was no way in hell the teacher would expect everyone else to do it)?
And do you remember how you always wanted to find out when she was giving her presentation so you could give yours as far distant from it as possible so you wouldn't be compared and found lacking?

Yeah... apparently, I'm that girl. Or at least my classmates think so.

^_______________________^

I've missed being that girl. It's been too damned long since I felt smart.

*beams*

I think I may write, tonight. *^_^*
rchan: (X -- setsuka_winter -- ichigo_go_nijo)
*eyes icon* No, Setsuka. Just... no. I really won't. Why? Because I live on Long Island and we've gotten more snow so far this season than freaking Anchorage, Alaska. That is not right. O_O It's Alaska. We're... not. *twitch*

Anyone who doesn't want to listen to me babble about general life, TV shows, ficcage and Hair (again)... flee now. ^_^ )

Final bit of random other news: I am one of the new mods for [livejournal.com profile] 15_minute_fic, successor to the now defunct, [livejournal.com profile] 15minuteficlets. Long story. ^_^ Anyway, the point of the comm is that every week a word is posted under a cut tag. Once you look at the word, you have 15 minutes to write... whatever. ^_^ It's kind of a fun way to get your writing juices flowing when you're a little stuck. Head on over and check it out! We could use some fresh meat. ;D

I think I'm gonna go toddle off and do some writing or something. ^_^ *waves* Later!

Starting word count for OB part 5 rewrite: 8,694

2564 / 10117 words. 25% done!
rchan: (Hair -- Claude -- Yippee!!)
My last paper is done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^_^ Finals went very well and were, in fact, frighteningly easy. I was kind of excited by that. ^_^ Anyway, I handed in my one paper on Wednesday and the professor finally confirmed that she received it late last night (it somehow ended up in her spam folder O_o;;;) and I just shipped off the last one. I must say... I'm actually rather proud of this 25 page brute of a paper of mine. ^_^ Gender Identity Disorder is a fascinating subject and one which needs to be better understood. I think I did a pretty decent job of exploring it, but that's my wholly biased opinion. ^_^

*coughs* Anyhoo, that last paper puts a nail in the coffin of the semester. Now it's all over but getting the grades. ^_^

And in celebration, tomorrow I get to go into the city with [livejournal.com profile] zoicite to run around and look at all the pretty Christmas things, stare at all the lovely items in stores that I can't even come close to affording (except maybe a hat... I kind of think I need a winter hat O_O), eat dinner at my favorite French restaurant, Le Rivage (thank again, Mom!), and see a show. What show? Erm... I have no idea. ^_^ TKTS, baby. Whatever's available and cheapest. ^_^ I will also be attempting to teach my dear friend the layout of Penn Station. That... should be interesting. ^_^ Much fun to be had by all!!

In other news, I finally got my disability insurance guy the information that he claims he never received (in spite of fax confirmations to the contrary and the fact that when I pointed that out he "found" it in my file two seconds later). I swear... for the amount of this guy's work that I do, they should pay me a retainer in addition to my monthly check. :-P So, I should have a nice three-month backpay check in the mail as we speak. Also moving along on the other disability company that owes me money and when that gets in place, I should have about 6-9 months worth of backpay coming to me. In other words, I will soon be able to breathe a little more deeply again. I can't wait. I don't like financial stress. It kind of sucks.

Also, about the winter hat thing... OK, so weight loss is great. It's fantastic. I'm really glad that it's progressing so well. There's just one... little... thing. I'm freaking cold. All. The. Time. What the hell is that about? I don't get cold!!! *whimper* I'm a polar bear. My nickname has been "Nanook of the Frozen North" for as long as I can remember. Winter was kind of my favorite time of the year because it was the one time of the year that I wasn't hot. Now, I step out of my house, whimper, and immediately think... "Fuck, I wish it was summer." Seriously? WTF is that?? I sincerely hope my body readjusts before January/February when it gets really cold. 'Cuz, dude... massive suckage otherwise. ^_^ Although, I have to admit that it was really adorable when I complained of my head/ears/neck being cold outside and my mom pulled out my favorite hat (with pom-pom, ear-flaps, and chin ties, no less) from when I was a kid. The scary thing... it actually didn't look too bad on me. If it had been a little bigger... I might have even worn it tomorrow. ;D

Edit: (10:18 PM) And then to top it all off... there was home-made oatmeal apple crisp and milk. *_* Yummmm...
rchan: (Gravi -- determined -- sunrise.aoaki.net)
*deep breath* Just "handed in" (via e-mail) my second paper due this week. The professor for my last paper generously gave me until Friday to hand in the last one, but I'm going to do my best to get it done tomorrow. Two easy math finals tomorrow, then that one last paper and then I am free and clear until next semester. *cheers* So ready to be done with this thing! Now to go home and get some of my mom's chili. *_*

Later, dudes!
rchan: (Melusine -- Done lost count)
So... I just looked up from my schoolwork and realized that it's been a while since I've written anything on my NaNo project. And by "a while" I mean "a week." O_O I'm now four days behind on my word count. :-P Well, I guess I know what I'll be doing tomorrow. ^_^ Hopefully finishing (or skipping) the scene that's giving me trouble, then writing like a mad fiend to try to catch up... because by then I'll be over 5 days behind. O_O 8859 words in one day? Yikes. I don't know that I can manage that. Maybe I'll go back to the original plan of writing a total of 50,000 instead of the 50,000 + 9,337 that I was aiming for. O_O Then I'll be right on schedule with no catch up necessary. ^_~

What's that you say?

That's cheating?

Would I do that? Moi? *bats eyelashes*

*scoffs* You damned bet your ass I would. ^_^

On a lighter note, I finally gave my 20 minute presentation on Gender Identity Disorder today and it went fantastically. One of my classmates told me it was the best of the 7 that went tonight. *tail wag* She said that everyone's eyes were glued to me the whole time and everyone was very engaged in what I was saying. The best part though? It was fun. ^_^ Makes me think I've got the right idea with this teaching thing, after all. ^_~
rchan: (Hair -- *carress*)
Man, oh man, did that scene I wrote on Sunday drain me. O_O Couldn't write a damned word all day yesterday and most of today. Then all of a sudden, I got pissed off at my professor's idiocy and *Bam!* ...1363 words done. O_O Now if only I didn't have to go to class... *whimper* Wanna stay home and write... Stupid class. :(

F. M. L.

Oct. 18th, 2010 11:12 pm
rchan: (PRiS -- surrounded by idiots)
I fail at being a rational human being today. Utterly fail. Why? Because everyone and everything around me has been completely and totally batfuck crazy for the better part of a week and I can't take it anymore. So, that's it. I'm done. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? *eyebrow-twitch*

The really stupid thing? There was no "one big thing" that put me in such a tailspin. It was a whole bunch of little stupidities piled on top of each other. And every time I tried to fix one, I'd get stymied in my efforts and just end up revving my stress level up another notch. And the one or two times that I finally managed to fix one... three more new stupidities would crop right up around it. *sigh*

So, I'm cutting Calculus tomorrow so that I can get the rest of my work done without massively stressing myself. And I don't even feel a smidge guilty about it.

Meh. I hate being an over-sensitive bundle of stressed out nerves. Maybe I'll write.

*sigh*
rchan: (Hair -- Claude... what a nice... flag :D)
So, one of the things that's been stressing me out the most the last few weeks has been my Human Growth and Development class. We have a test on the 19th and an outline for our paper due the same day. Teacher, you suck. O_O;;; Anyway, the research paper is supposed to be 20 pages, typed, double-spaced, 12 point font. Amusing thing? The rest of the class is freaking out about the length of the paper and I'm going: "That's it? Are you sure she didn't say 20,000 words? She really said 20 pages?" To give you a point of comparison, Aquarius, not anywhere close to my longest story, when presented in that format is 25 pages and I wrote it in about 1-2 days. *snerts* So, needless to say, that isn't the part that has me stressed. Thanks to the ridiculous amounts of Hair fanfiction I've been writing lately, I could knock that out in my sleep. ^_^ I'm actually more concerned about how I'll cut it down to 20 pages. 20 pages is only 7100-7200 words. How the hell am I going to manage that? *frets* O_O;;;

No, the part that had me stressed was that she gave us the broad category of "development" from which to select a topic... and I suck at making decisions. -.-;;; So for the last two to three weeks, I've agonized over selecting a topic for this paper, drifting from one thing to another and having a hell of a time trying to narrow it down. And so I bring you to what's really amusing me.

I have Hair to thank, yet again, for making my life easier. More specifically? I have Josh Lamon, Andrew Kober and Margaret Mead to thank. That's right. I'm writing my paper on Gender Identity Disorder and I am so damned excited about it that I can't even begin to tell you. *_*

But here's the thing that really gets my goat... )

And... I have rambled really far off topic. I think I need to stop typing now... @_@;;;

Off to try to find a quiet corner of the library in which to study. Yeah... good luck, me. Good luck.
rchan: (MMPR -- Petite brunette and cute)
So, I'm sitting in Calculus today and about 5 minutes into class I hear a familiar sound. What is it? The "beep-beep bee-beep beep beep" of the Power Rangers communicator alert. Thinking I'd certainly imagined it I picked my head up and looked around. Surprise, surprise... I heard it again. Then this kind of cute boy across the room fumbles with his pocket, pulls out his phone and turns it off. I caught his eye and gave him a beaming grin. He blushed and looked down. After class, I tapped his elbow as he walked past and told him he had an awesome ring tone. He ducked his head again, said thanks and walked past me. *laughs* College kids are so adorable! I just keep wanting to pat their heads. ^_^

And now I want to write PR fics. O_O Damn it. I have two Hair fics in progress! I am not starting the sequel to ARBAON. I am not.

*ponder* Maybe a side story...

*slaps hand* No!

O_O;;;
rchan: (GoodOmens -- lead balloon -- iko_imo)
So... apparently once a math geek, always a math geek. *sweatdrop* I guess I just standardize test well. :-P

Cut for all those who don't want to listen to me bragging... 'cuz I want to, damn it! ^_^ )

*blissful sigh* And now... I get to relax. *yawns* I deserve it.

Only 16 more days until I see [livejournal.com profile] msorange21, again!! :D :D *glomp* *snickers* Yeesh, I feel like an addict counting down days 'til my next fix... O_O ^_^ *snugs*

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